Posted by: climbingup | February 24, 2009

I Am Six Months Old

Actually, I’m six and a half months old, but writing hasn’t been high on my priority list. Someone contacted me to promote their organization, and like many things in my life, I couldn’t seem to do it timely. To correct, I want to share the site, The Jed Foundation. Fortunately, the deadline has been extended as noted below.

Are you working to raise awareness, reduce stigma or encourage help-seeking among your peers?

APPLY NOW

for the Jerry Greenspan Student Voice of Mental Health Award.

Send your video submission by

EXTENDED DEADLINE FEBRUARY 27TH

to apply for a $2000 scholarship and more!

God how I wish this wonderful organization had been around when I was 17 and first tried to check out. 

So, back to me. I promised my first counselor no more checking out attempts for 6 months. Holidays were tough, I bought the tools justs in case, but I didnt. Duh!!

My new counselor is terrific. I told my Mom that she was like 12 years old (everyone seems so young lately) and I didn’t see how she could help me. Last week I apologized for that comment. I have a new diagnosis and start an 8 month recovery program on Thursday(2 hrs of group and 1 hr individual therapy.) That will be my gut-wrenching, soul-searching, tear-filled day devoted to recovery. She has me reading Radical Acceptance, which I’ve had great difficulty with since it’s Buddha, Zen based. In the moment is tough for me. But, after spending  my adult life  planning, fearing the future and regretting the past, what the hell. I’ve just learned “pause” and “this too,” which remind me of the  AA based programs, the “one day at a time” mentality. I never learned that – guess it’ll take a while to move to a moment at a time…

Some days are bad, some just are, but none send me into suicidal mode. I credit the meds. Certainly, the situation hasn’t changed much. I’m back in my house, living in my spare bedroom while the SO has the master. We aren’t really SO’s anymore, although at times we relate that way, probably out of habit. Maybe because we don’t know what we are or where we’re going or if we’re going there together. Can’t think about that future. Just today, folks. That’s my eternity right now. Just today.

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Responses

  1. I check here every month just to hear how you are doing. I’m grateful that you are still writing as I know that it’s part of your life-line. Know that you are on my mind and when you are ready the ‘mountain’ awaits us both…..

    Linda


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